Here are my favourit sarcastic quotes .............
"Never interrupt your enemy when he is making a mistake"
- Napoleon Bonaparte
“Those who cast the votes decide nothing. Those who count the votes decide everything“
-Josef Stalin
“I won’t say ours was a tough school, but we had our own coroner. We used to write essays like: What I’m going to be if I grow up”
-Lenny Bruce
“I ask people why they have deer heads on their walls. They always say because it’s such a beautiful animal. There you go. I think my mother is attractive, but I have photographs of her”
-Ellen DeGeneres
“I’m a psychic amnesiac. I know in advance what I’ll forget”
-Michael McShane
“If you love someone set them free. If they come back, set them on fire”
-George Carlin
“A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing”
-Emo Phillips
“Condoms aren’t completely safe. A friend of mine was wearing one and got hit by a bus“
-Bob Rubin
“A patriot must always be ready to defend his country against his government.”
-Edward Abbey
“I feel so miserable without you; it's almost like having you here.”
-Stephen Bishop
“Sometimes I need what only you can provide: your absence”
-Ashleigh Brilliant
“The one function that TV news performs very well is that when there is no news we give it to you with the same emphasis as if it were.”
-David Brinkley
“I believe in luck: how else can you explain the success of those you don't like?”
-Jean Cocteau
“History teaches us that men and nations behave wisely once they have exhausted all other alternatives”
-Abba Eban
“If you can't live without me, why aren't you dead already?”
-Cynthia Heimel
“Most human beings have an almost infinite capacity for taking things for granted”
- Aldous Huxley
“Every time I look at you I get a fierce desire to be lonesome”
- Oscar Levant
“Advertising is a valuable economic factor because it is the cheapest way of selling goods, especially if they are worthless”
-Sinclair Lewis
”Not even computers will replace committees, because committees buy computers”
-Edward Shepherd Mead
“The trouble with a kitten is that it eventually becomes a cat”
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“Politics is perhaps the only profession for which no preparation is thought necessary”
-Robert Louis Stevenson
“Progress was all right. Only it went on too long”
- James Thurber
“Honesty is the best policy -- when there is money in it”
- Mark Twain
“He has Van Gogh's ear for music”
- Billy Wilder
“There's a fine line between fishing and just standing on the shore like an idiot”
- Steven Wright
“I think men who have a pierced ear are better prepared for marriage. They've experienced pain and bought jewelry”
- Rita Rudner
“Sometimes I need what only you can provide: your absence”
- Ashleigh Brilliant
“He has no enemies, but is intensely disliked by his friends”
- Oscar Wilde
“There will always be ifs and buts, but it’s always be our butts which will be kicked”
- One of my colleague regarding recession and salary hike
“Loss in Share Market is stepping stone to ……………. more loss”
- Me on Share Market
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